Limericks
The Limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
A diner while dining at Crewe
Found a rather large rat in his stew.
Said the waiter: "Don't shout
And wave it about,
Or the rest will be wanting one too."
The Irishmen said with a grouch,
'Tis winter when you sneeze and you slouch,
You can't take your women
In a canoe or swimming,
But a lot can be done on the couch!"
A young Irish lad like a giant
Who in sexual ways was just quaint,
One day he went swimming
With twelve naked women,
And deserted them all for a pint.
A young lad from near South Donegal
Who went to a Fancy Dress Ball
Dressed up like a tree
But he failed to foresee
His abuse by the dogs near the hall.
In Carlow a pretty young lass
Had a truly magnificent ass.
Not rounded and pink
As you possibly think,
It was brown, had long ears and ate grass!
God's plan made a hopeful beginning,
But Irishmen damned it by sinning.
We hope that the story
May end in God's glory.
But at present the Irishmen's winning!
A bather whose clothing was strewed
By winds, which left her quite nude,
Saw a man coming along,
And unless I am wrong,
You thought the next line would be lewd.
A novice was driving a car
So slow that his son said: "Papa,
If you drive at this rate,
We are bound to be late -
Drive faster!" He did - now they are.
Great-grandfather at Waterloo
Fought solidly all the day through;
He slashed and he hacked,
Through bodies tight-packed,
And managed to reach Platform Two.
I, Caesar, when I learned of the fame
Of Cleopatra, I straightway laid claim.
Ahead of my legions
I invaded her regions -
I saw, I conquered, I came.